The world’s worst ballerina 🩰

Cancer was not my first brush with death. I was very lucky to survive child birth. I had a birth injury caused by my blood flow being interrupted by my umbilical cord wrapping around my neck. I was rushed by ambulance from Waitakere Hospital to National Women's. Apparently when my parents visited me in the nursery I was easily identifiable because I was the only full term baby in an incubator and looked huge beside all the premature babies. Fortunately it hasn't hampered my ability to book learn (that I know of) but I have trouble with coordination. All my primary school reports discuss my lack of motor skills. If you want a good laugh give me any kind of racquet or bat and throw a ball at me. Before any game of swing ball commences I admit defeat. If I hit the ball it is purely a coincidence. I was never going to be able to be the ballerina I wanted to be because I just do not have the control over my limbs that is required. That did not deter me.

I did ballet for many years. I was terrible. In fact I think I could be the world's worst ballerina. I had trouble putting the steps together and making my arms and legs work. I do however credit ballet for giving me some poise and grace and good posture which are necessary when you are very tall and lack coordination. I hate to think what I'd have been like if it wasn't for years of ballet. For me to be less than average I had to practise for a hour every day. It taught me self discipline and command over my body.

Ballet is so beautiful and so hard. My feet are disaster areas. They hurt a lot now I am getting older. So why did little Frana want to be a ballerina? Because I love music, dancing and singing. I love frothy dresses made of tulle, pink satin ribbons, pointe shoes, flowers in your hair, stage make up, leg warmers, crocheted bun covers, hair nets and tutus.

As luck would have it my godmother, Kathleen Novak, was a retired ballerina and my first ballet teacher. She was the loveliest teacher and I was surrounded by many happy little girls. However Aunty Kathy only taught junior classes. Once I got to pre-elementary level I needed to cross town for lessons in Mangere with Val Murray. There were three lessons a week. It got very serious and the travel was tiresome. There were theatre classes where you went one by one and Phillip Chatfield shouted out a list of steps you had to put together and dance on the spot. For someone who needed to practice to be less than average, this was terrifying. I was told, quite bluntly, I was never going to be a ballerina. It was my first real taste of disappointment. Ballet's loss was the law's gain and it taught me that you don't need to be good at something to enjoy it - but it certainly does help.

I also really like singing but my family are pretty dismissive of my "talent". Am I bothered? I am not. I still sing loudly especially while driving and cooking. Sometimes a song slips out in other situations. Singing and dancing makes me feel happy. If I feel sad or anxious I play loud music, I sing along and I dance. Honestly it is hard to feel anxious or sad if you are busting some moves and belting out the words to Dancing Queen.

One of the great things about being alive for half a century is the amount of music I have been exposed to. I was thinking how lucky I was to be born in 1971 so each musical decade coincides with a decade of my life. I got to thinking about my favourite songs from the various eras and putting together some Spotify playlists for my hospital stay. It is quite good fun. I'm very interested in other people's lists. Feel free to let me know in the comments section. Here's the soundtrack to my life...

1970s (childhood)

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

Heart of Glass - Blondie

Dreams - Fleetwood Mac

Dancing Queen - Abba

Fernando - Abba

Super Trouper - Abba

Stayin Alive - Bee Gees

Rhinestone Cowboy - Glen Campbell

I Am...I Said - Neil Diamond

Forever in Blue Jeans - Neil Diamond

Layla - Eric Clapton

Le Freak - Chic

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1f7GKoHmiUje7qcJRaOooz?si=PLUlotnoRbWV0JDsIMl-jA&pt=0365d578137f796084670440d49cfe79

1980s (teens)

Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran

Living' On a Prayer - Bon Jovi

With or Without You - U2

Come on Eileen - Dexys Midnight Runners

When Doves Cry - Prince

Blue Monday - New Order

Naive Melody - Talking Heads

Close to Me - The Cure

Dancing In the Dark - Bruce Springsteen

Super Freak - Rick James

Under Pressure - David Bowie and Queen

Whip It - Devo

Gypsy - Fleetwood Mac

Fame - Irene Cara

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/54y0HYtaqdKI3eub5aYZex?si=7RHdcGuZTs2KosT-0IQwIg&pt=404dbe3034f914c2b3c5e2286d11f94b

1990s (twenties)

Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve

Wonderwall - Oasis

Wannabe - Spice Girls

Torn - Natalie Imbruglia Creep - Radiohead

Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Praying For Time - George Michael

You Have Been Loved - George Michael

Common People - Pulp

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

Parklife - Blur

Firestarter - The Prodigy

Thunderstruck - AC/DC

Praise You - Fatboy Slim

You're Gorgeous - Babybird

The Power - SNAP!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5i6YFpybkQBqy4dn8ACTAM?si=NGusJzl_S6W6ri9hrKwGxg&pt=bfe2ac513d41c5dcd082e141a96b3018

2000s (thirties)

Sandstorm - Darude

Murder on the Dancefloor - Sophie Ellis-Bextor

Crazy - Gnarls Barkley

Hey Ya - OutKast

Back to Black - Amy Winehouse

Lose Yourself - Eminem

Get Ur Freak On -Missy Elliott

Umbrella - Rihanna

Yellow - Cold Play

Clocks - Cold Play

Single Ladies - Beyonce

Can't Get You Out of My Head - Kylie Minogue

Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6wz3vQ2UXFM0iMjViEbnf9?si=nL9Aew2QQpm-qaaOsPdHuA&pt=1d5918e1da84c22ff5c5a57ea2b45f13

2010s (forties)

Royals - Lorde

Only Love Can Hurt Like This - Paloma Faith

Get Lucky - Daft Punk

Truth Hurts - Lizzo

Chandelier - Sia

Sign of the Times - Harry Styles

Seasons (Waiting on You) - Future Islands

Uptown Funk - Mark Robson feat. Bruno Mars

Someone Like You - Adele

When We Were Young - Adele

New Romantics - Taylor Swift

The Man - Taylor Swift

Born This Way - Lady Gaga

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6j3yuJi50QEH832cJfoFiW?si=42LNzDqYSESbHeHz0DFpRw&pt=1368eb43cdf4ea1f86298d5bded1a71a

Now I think I could write an essay about each of the songs and why I chose it - but life is too short for that level of introspectiveness. It is very likely the 90s playlist will appear in the blog post I intend to write on my time in London.

While I'm recovering from next week's surgery I'm going to organise my post cancer party. Putting all this behind me is worth celebrating. I'll be singing and dancing to these songs (and some others). If you are very lucky I might even do some pirouettes, or at the very least a chassis, so you too can behold the world's worst ballerina.