So this is Christmas

War has been front of my mind.

I have just finished a book called Birds Without Wings. It was a very dense novel set at the end of the Ottoman Empire and covered the impact of religious intolerance, overzealous nationalism, and the war that almost inevitably occurs. The descriptions of trench warfare in WWI were particularly vivid and horrific.

I then listened to my Christmas playlist when I was out walking last weekend. Near the beginning is John Lennon’s Happy Xmas (War is Over).

The line The world is so wrong got stuck in my head. How can we keep doing such cruel things to each other?

The news menu of stories about human suffering is too difficult for me to bear. I find war particularly distressing. Children being murdered is to me the very definition of evil. What is happening in Ukraine, Sudan, Myanmar, Haiti and Gaza is evil. What happened in Syria is evil. I don’t hold out much hope for the survival of humanity. If some despot doesn’t nuke us all, humankind will eventually destroy the planet that we all live on. On that cheery note, for the sake of my mental health, I am trying to be wilfully ignorant.

Nigel Latta spoke about Mental Health at a conference I attended last year. One of his top tips for protecting your mental health is to avoid the news.

It works for me.

I can’t control how the warmongers act so I choose to focus my attention on things that I can control, like my health.

I have visited all my doctors in the last 4 weeks and I am well.  I have progressed from six monthly, to annual visits, with my oncologist.

I have had my last of 6 zometa infusions.

There is no evidence of disease. I am in complete remission. Unfortunately that doesn’t mean the cancer has gone away forever. It might return. That’s why I see my oncologist and breast surgeon annually. I won’t get the all clear at the 5 year mark like most cancer patients because ER+ breast cancer (my cancer is ER+, PR+ and HER2+) sometimes comes back many years later. I know I’ll be on tamoxifen for up to 10 years. I have another year and a bit of monthly zoladex injections to go before the doctors will hang a closed sign up on my ovaries.

I have also had genetic counselling this week. I am finally getting around to having myself tested for defective genes because the fact both Mum and I have had breast cancer worries me. I have a daughter, a sister and a niece - if there is a problem it is best we all know about it. My oncologist believes it is unlikely to be genetic (just bad luck) but I would still rather know.

My plastic surgeon’s work is done. She has requested that I make an appointment to see her once tattooing is complete so she can see the finished result (and take an after photo for her records). You’ll have to take my word for it, but I think she has done an amazing job.

Today I asked my breast surgeon about whether he could fix my munted armpit. He believes he can make it look a bit more like my other one. The added bonus is that it can be done under local anaesthetic. That’s likely to happen in February next year. My nipple tattooing will also be in February. So, by my birthday (at the end of February) like Humpty Dumpty, I shall be “put back together again”.

It is nearly the end of the year and all the big stuff is behind me.

And because the world goes mad in the lead up to Christmas and I probably won’t have time to write again beforehand, I wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Roll on 2025.