Rain

It is raining again.

2023 has been the year it rained.

In the circle of life, rain is needed to make things grow. When going through hard times and getting drenched, it is important to let that watering help you become a better version of yourself - to grow.

So what has cancer taught me?

Be grateful. Even when you are suffering there are things to be grateful for. Flowers. Sunshine. Birdsong. Hugs from your family. The smell of cut grass. The sound of rain on the roof.

You can rely on your true friends. They will turn up and cheer you on. They will carry you when you are having trouble walking.

You cannot remake yourself without suffering: for we are both the marble and the sculptor (Alexis Carrel)

We work to live, we don't live to work.

Be positive. Positivity may not cure you, but negativity will kill you.

It will be over. Bad times will end. Focus on getting through it.

Do things you enjoy. Find your passions.

Compassion and kindness are an act of self love. Every time I lessen the suffering of another I alleviate the suffering in myself.

Some people couldn't deal with my diagnosis and absented themselves. I forgive them. Forgiveness is a gift I give to myself.

Self care isn't selfishness. If I don't look after myself, how can I look after anyone else?

I have a body with a story written in its scars. They are a record of my battles. I am proud of them.

I have been concentrating on getting back to my pre cancer fitness, strength and physical condition. I have lost 8.2kgs and have 2.8kgs of weight left to lose. I seem to have plateaued and if nothing budges this week I will increase the intensity of my activity. I am not in a hurry. It will come off slowly. I honestly did not think I would get the strength back in my left arm - but recently I have noticed significant improvement. I now know I will get that strength back. I am fit. I am strong. I am resilient.

I feel very much like I am looking for the door from my cancer life to my post cancer life. I am drenched and dripping and waiting for the rain to stop so I can see clearly. That door is just through the fog.

I have been free of doctors since June. I am about to see all of them in the lead up to Christmas - the oncologist, the plastic surgeon, the breast surgeon and the radiographer. I have thrown in a visit to the dermatologist as well, just to cover all the bases. Unfortunately, lovely as they all are, the visits are not without anxiety. This will be part of my post cancer life. Infrequent doctors visits and anxiety.

I am hoping that this week, when I see my plastic surgeon, we will schedule my final procedure. I need to know when it is so I can prepare myself for it and because I want to put all this behind me and get on with my life. Only once that operation is out of the way will the fog clear and the door become visible. I am looking forward to walking through it.