And Just Like That…

WT actual F? Just when I might have liked Big…when he had settled down, was happy, secure and committed…just like that…he’s dead? Good grief, I am still processing this.

Look, I understand why they killed off Mr Big. It opens up a whole world of new stories from the vantage point of a woman in her 50s. As a woman of a similar age I know that what’s important in your 30s is quite different to what is important in your 50s.

Big died suddenly, without warning. That could happen to any of us.

For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, I am referring to the “Sex and the City” reboot called “And Just Like That”.

The sudden demise of the main love interest sort of put things in perspective for me because lately I have been feeling anxious as I transition from fighting cancer to more strategic defensive manoeuvres. I am trying to “up sell“ the defensive manoeuvres as being proactive rather than reactive - but it is freaky to think that some of the treatments I will be having are to reduce the chance of “the cancer” coming back in bits of me that aren’t my boobs - like my bones. BUT I could be hit by a bus or fall over and hit my head tomorrow. I can’t dwell on cancer returning. I am trying not to be afraid and to live my life - but I am hyper alert now.

I probably mentioned that over Labour weekend I noticed a lump in my arm, or more precisely, in my antecubital fossa. My oncologist was not worried about it. I was. In fact, I was very worried. This whole dreadful experience started with a lump.

Sheridan sent me for an ultra sound guided fine needle aspiration of the antecubital fossa lump. It ended up having to be a punch biopsy. Now I have been through some very scary experiences since April 2021 including biopsies of my cancer, various scans and chemotherapy. This experience ended up being the scariest medical procedure so far simply because the doctor and pathologist talked about me while I was there and without reference to me. I imagined all sorts of outcomes - all of them however ending with the cancer having spread to my antecubital fossa. It hadn’t. It was just scar tissue. Now 12 weeks on from its appearance, the lump seems to have disappeared. Stupid lump!

I also probably mentioned that my left foot swelled up. That did concern my oncologist and I was sent for an urgent scan of my leg to rule out a blood clot. I‘m pleased to report it isn’t a blood clot, nor is it my heart or my kidneys. Chemotherapy caused fluid retention and my body is having a bit of trouble coping without the lymph nodes that were taken from my left armpit. The hot weather we’ve been having lately has caused my blood vessels to expand or vasodilate. The expansion increases the amount of fluid that moves out of the blood vessels and into the tissues. My lymphatic system does not work correctly (or works inefficiently), so the excess fluid does not return to the lymphatic system as it should and I am at risk of swelling up. I was put in a compression sleeve during radiotherapy and I have continued to wear it while exercising.

Anyway enough of my ailments and back to “And Just Like That”. It has been heavily criticised but I confess to enjoying it. I like the new characters, particularly Che and Seema. At the heart of it, like Sex and the City, is a study of female friendship. I was excited to see how the girls were doing. I remember first “meeting” Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda when I lived in London In the late 90s. The show started in 1998 when I was 27 years old. My life was definitely less glamorous but I had amazing girlfriends. I continue to have amazing girlfriends - the same amazing girlfriends that I had in London and new amazing girlfriends - just like Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte. I have also lost amazing girlfriends, like the girls have lost Samantha. It happens. People change, grow apart or perhaps even worse, don’t change at all.

I still love the clothes. The Versace dress that Carrie wore in Paris still makes me swoon. The shoes are to die for. I am only at a stage now where I could contemplate buying the types of clothes and shoes those girls had in their 30s…but I wouldn’t because I have nowhere to wear them and I’m too sensible.

The friendship at the heart of the story is the thing that draws me back. That friendship is and has always been the love story that most interested me. It is a friendship that caused Carrie to run after Miranda and say “you can disagree but you can’t leave” when Miranda attempted to walk out on them after being challenged on cheating on Steve by Charlotte. Those girls have had each other’s backs for at least 25 years. I have been lucky enough to have had girlfriends throughout my adult life that I know have my back. They have helped me move house, decide to move jobs: counseled me through breaks ups and deep loss and they rallied around me last year when I was sick. I love them.

My friendships are some of my best love stories.